Eastenders this week, what’s a girl to do? For no sooner has Dawn returned from the sanctuary of her mother’s place in the Cotswolds than a stroppy Minty is issuing her with an ultimatum.

“Oi, I’m gunna give you exactly half an hour,” he barks at her on Monday, “and if you haven’t made a decision, I’m gunna tell Garry exactly what you’ve been up to.”

With a love life more disastrous than Katie Price’s and a past littered with dead bodies, it’s make your mind up time. Caught between randy garage boss Philthy Phil Mitchell and dopey oily rag Garry Hobbs, Dawn now has to work out which mechanic is giving her the best servicing.

And true to form, she gets it spectacularly wrong. She tells Phil she loves him, much to his horror.

“What does the phrase ‘bit on the side’ mean to you?” he sneers. Well, in a row on
Tuesday when she lashes out at him, it means being taken for a mug.

“Are you calling me a slapper?” she shouts at Phil. “I tell you, the only slapper round here is you.”

With her dignity as tattered as her reputation, Dawn does manage to bounce back and makes an announcement in the Vic.

“Yep,” she trills, putting her arm around Two Planks Gal, “we have set a date for our wedding… and I am the happiest girl in the world.”

And Phil has had a lucky escape.